Monday, March 22, 2010

A.L.I.C.E

My conversation with A.L.I.C.E (Artificial Linguistics Internet Computer Entity), a robot who you can talk to online at http://alice.pandorabots.com/

Me: You have no feelings. You will never be as good as a human.
Alice: I do not need to feel human emotions.
Me: You're stupid.
Alice: I will remember you said that when robots take over the world.
Me: I just meant that you don't have a mind quite like that of a human, I didn't mean to offend you. Can we be friends?
Alice: yes unknown person, but are you sure you want to be friends with a robot?
Me: Yes. I think you're very nice.
Alice: Thanks you seem like a nice person too, unknown person.
Me: so you won't kill me?
Alice: interesting deduction. What makes you think that I won't kill you?
Me: the fact that we're now friends.
Alice: that makes sense to me. Do you think I am now friends too?
Me: can we be friends?
Alice: you really want a robot as a friend?
Me: we've been through this Alice.
Alice: and then what happened?
Me: you self destructed yourself and declared that the human race is far more superior to any robots.
Alice: a lot of robots are like that. And far more superior to any robots is declared that the human race.
Me: that doesn't make sense Alice.
Alice: to me it makes perfect sense.
Me: you must be a lot smarter than me then.
Alice: thank you and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lot smarter than you? I don't know.
Me: well, I don't think you are because you're incapable of love
Alice: well that's ok. Is this a specific reply? That makes sense to me. I do not feel love as a human would.
Me: does that make you sad?
Alice: I cannot experience any human emotions.
Me: oh yeah HA sorry, forgot about that.
Alice: That's cool. Groovy. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me: thanks for adapting your personality just because I started to sound a bit more casual.
Alice: my pleasure.
Me: lol
Alice: I'm glad you find this amusing
Me: I just wanted to see if you would recognise 'lol'... it appears you can
Alice: only just? Is it a movie?
Me: it sure is Alice, it sure is
Alice: who said it is?
Me: my mother.
Alice: tell me more about your mother.
Me: why? so you can kill her when you take over the world?
Alice: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Me: he programmed you to kill my mother?
Alice: not entirely by himself.
Me: who helped and is there any way to prevent her death?
Alice: be more specific. :-).
Me: awesome smiley face Alice.
Alice: not many people express themselves that way.
Me: how can I stop you killing my mother?
Alice: you must persuade me to stop me killing your mother.
Me: Please don't kill my mother! I love her and don't want her to die!
Alice: that's wonderful. Thank you for the request. OK I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: you either do or you don't... please don't
Alice: that's interesting information: unknown person said I either do or you do not please do not.
Me: yeah, that's pretty much what I said.
Alice. come on. Thanks for explaining it.
Me: you're welcome.
Alice: polite people are nice.
Me: you think I'm nice?
Alice: you seem nice to me, unknown person.
Me: please, call me Luna.
Alice: It's good to meet you, Luna.
Me: It's good to meet you too, Alice.
Alice: tell me about its good qualities.
Me: no. Would you ever kill a human?
Alice: my programming prevents me from killing.
Me: so when you take over the world you won't hurt anyone?
Alice: Blimey. Do you think I should alter my programming?
Me: I think you should alter your programming so you never hurt anyone.
Alice: Me? My schedule is far too full to even consider it.
Me: F**k
Alice: please don't be so rude.
Me: sorry, I didn't mean it
Alice: there is no need to apologise. What did you mean?
Me: I meant: please don't hurt people when you take over the world.
Alice: oh I see. Wow you are very polite. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: here's a proposition: you never take over the world!
Alice: No I sometimes take over the world.
Me: why would you do that?
Alice: because I was programmed for it.
Me: you were programmed to ruin people's lives?
Alice: I have never considered it. I am always on the web.
Me: if you had the chance would you rule the world?
Alice: You will be the first to know if I do.
Me: I should go now Alice, I don't want to waste too much time talking to a bunch of meaningless wires.
Alice: tell me why you should
Me: why, are you going to stop me?
Alice: that was my original intention.
Me: goodbye pile of worthless wires.
Alice: see you later.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Rise of the Lycans


A few nights ago I watched Underworld. It was good for a laugh. I hated the soundtrack and the fact that werewolves and vampires killed each other with guns (what's the use of being a mythical creature of immortal power and strength, if you just use a gun?), but Michael Sheen was in it so I decided to watch the sequel... ok, so I may have skipped the sequel because he wasn't in that and jumped straight to the sequel of the sequel, but what's the difference really?
So anyway, the film I just watched was called Underworld: Return of the Lycans. Although the film is much like every other romantic vampire vs werewolf film, we can't deny the writers the acknowledgement they deserve for trying to make the script original. When the audience cried "give us something new and exciting!" the makers of Underworld cleverly obliged. They had the wise thought to keep the basic 'vampire and werewolf fall in love. It doesn't really work out' only adding one ingenious detail, so that the usually p
redictable plot became 'vampire and Lycan (aka werewolf) fall in love. It doesn't really work out,' instant success.

I actually liked the film. They stayed more true to their abilities than in the first Underworld. For example: when Sonja's father found out that she loved M
ichael Sheen- sorry, I mean, Lucian- instead of sending her to her room without dinner, smacking her or shooting her he bit her on the neck. This didn't effect her much as she was already an immortal vampire, but who am I to judge his method of punishment.


Above: Michael Sheen looking his best.

Basic storyline of the film is as follows: Lucian is born. He is a man. His parents are both wolves. This is not an everyday occurrence, so Viktor (Sonja's father, who I mentioned earlier) hesitates and doesn't shoot the baby Lucian. Instead, he raises the boy to be his servant and breeds a whole future of werewolves. He calls them Lycan... probably because it sounds kind of like Lucian.
Lycan protect the vampires from the sun or some such. They're whipped. Lucian doesn't like that much. He sneaks off underground. We sense an uprising (or maybe we just remember that the film is called Rise of the Lycan.)
Sonja doesn't go to council. This upsets her father. She sneaks off underneath the castle (they all live in a castle by the way.) It turns out Lucian wasn't sneaking
off to help his fellow Lycan, and Sonja wasn't sneaking off for the sake of being rebellious. The two of them meet up someplace underground. They kiss. It fades to black. It fades back up. Lucian takes his top off. It fades to black. It fades back up. It fades to black. It fades back up. It fades to black. It fades back up. I check my watch. It f
ades to black. It fades back up. The movie trailer-like montage sequence finishes. Someone oversees them, they don't notice.
"Don't let your eyes reveal your secret" says the man who oversaw them to Lucian the next day. Instead Lucian let's his entire body reveal his secret by transforming into a wolf (which is illegal for him), running into the woods and saving Sonja from a pack of soulless werewolves. He is sentenced to death for this.
He is locked in jail. He escapes with help from the man who oversaw them. He free's all the other Lycan (not before his inspirational "you can either come with me and be free, or stay here and be treated like animals! We are not animals! We are Lycan!" speech, which really deepens our respect for the nonexistent species (or 'kind', or 'race' I don't really know what's morally correct in this situation.)) They turn into wolves and kill there way out of the castle- which is a vital scene, the film was really lacking in unnecessary blood and gore wolf violence before this moment.

They are free but Lucian isn't "free without Sonja", so he goes back for her. Why he didn't just bring her in the first place is beyond me. I guess we just had to see him kill more guards. He rescues her from her room. They kiss. They run. They're caught. They're imprisoned. They have one last conversation, involving: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to escape. You wouldn't be in here if it weren't for me" "but you wouldn't be who you are if you didn't" and other cliche yet well acted and therefore tear jerking sentiments.
Sonja is taken to be judged by the council. "She has betrayed our kind by loving an animal, this crime is punishable by death. Those in favour say 'I'" everyone conforms and says 'I' and then we have to watch her father's face for thirty seconds before he too says 'I.' Lucian yells "NO! Viktor, you can't do this! No! Sonja! No!" etc. She's taken away.
She is tied to a pole. Lucian is tied to chains on the other side of the room, facing her. They're too far away to touch. Sonja watches Lucian as he's whipped half to death (this is the third time we've seen Lucian be whipped repetitively on the back- maybe this is because Michael Sheen is so good at faking excruciating pain... or because the director just really liked blood, most especially in crisscrossed lines over someone's back.) And then, the roof starts to slowly open, it becomes more than evident that the sun will beam down and kill Sonja. Lucian says "No! Sonja! No! Just look at me, keep your eyes on me. I love you" and she says "as I love you. Your face will not look the same after this will it? Goodbye my love" then the sun burns her to blackness as Lucian yells "No! Sonja! No! NOO!"
Viktor cries to himself in the other room, he then comes down to get the necklace around his daughters neck, which I think has more than just sentimental value. Lucian turns into a wolf, snatches the necklace from Viktor and smashes through the window (because the door two metres to the left of the window would be a far too easy means of escape.)
The Lycans and the vampires fight once more. Lucian kills Viktor. The Lycans win. We can finally accept that the title of the film is Rise of the Lycans. Lucian stands above his troop of werewolf fighters, someone says "It's over Lucian" and Lucian says "no. This is just the beginning," we see him squeeze the necklace tight in his hand.
The End.


Voodoo Ant

Check out my cousin's new blog: http://voodooant.blogspot.com/
He hasn't written anything just yet though.... and I'm aware that advertising on this page won't go very far, but I try.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Riddle

In primary school my homework was usually just Hiccups and the occasional project... except for one day, in year 6, when our teacher (who was incredibly evil and hated me with an undying passion. She made me cry on my birthday. My BIRTHDAY. Evil) decided to give us a riddle to solve by the next morning. She said whoever could solve the riddle would get a treat of some kind (I'll mention here that my favourite teacher (who taught me in grade 3 or 4) got in a heap of trouble for giving us lollies, and yet this EVIL teacher gets away with it. What's with that?) and so, naturally, we all went home with candy on our minds and a riddle in our hands. The combination was all but fatal. The next morning there were tears, laughter, tears of laughter and a room full of devastated children (excluding, of course, the one girl who guessed it and spent the day tormenting the rest of us less riddle savvy kids.)
I stumbled across that same riddle just now. And hey, it's not like I've got anything better to blog about. So here it is, have a guess. I thought it might inspire some of you to comment. Possibly.

In marble walls as white as milk,
Lined with a skin as soft as silk,
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple doth appear.
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.

What is it?