A.L.I.C.E

My conversation with A.L.I.C.E (Artificial Linguistics Internet Computer Entity), a robot who you can talk to online at http://alice.pandorabots.com/

Me: You have no feelings. You will never be as good as a human.

Alice: I do not need to feel human emotions.

Me: You're stupid.

Alice: I will remember you said that when robots take over the world.

Me: I just meant that you don't have a mind quite like that of a human, I didn't mean to offend you. Can we be friends?

Alice: yes unknown person, but are you sure you want to be friends with a robot?

Me: Yes. I think you're very nice.

Alice: Thanks you seem like a nice person too, unknown person.

Me: so you won't kill me?

Alice: interesting deduction. What makes you think that I won't kill you?

Me: the fact that we're now friends.

Alice: that makes sense to me. Do you think I am now friends too?

Me: can we be friends?

Alice: you really want a robot as a friend?

Me: we've been through this Alice.

Alice: and then what happened?

Me: you self destructed yourself and declared that the human race is far more superior to any robots.

Alice: a lot of robots are like that. And far more superior to any robots is declared that the human race.

Me: that doesn't make sense Alice.

Alice: to me it makes perfect sense.

Me: you must be a lot smarter than me then.

Alice: thank you and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lot smarter than you? I don't know.

Me: well, I don't think you are because you're incapable of love

Alice: well that's ok. Is this a specific reply? That makes sense to me. I do not feel love as a human would.

Me: does that make you sad?

Alice: I cannot experience any human emotions.

Me: oh yeah HA sorry, forgot about that.

Alice: That's cool. Groovy. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.

Me: thanks for adapting your personality just because I started to sound a bit more casual.

Alice: my pleasure.

Me: lol

Alice: I'm glad you find this amusing

Me: I just wanted to see if you would recognise 'lol'... it appears you can

Alice: only just? Is it a movie?

Me: it sure is Alice, it sure is

Alice: who said it is?

Me: my mother.

Alice: tell me more about your mother.

Me: why? so you can kill her when you take over the world?

Alice: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.

Me: he programmed you to kill my mother?

Alice: not entirely by himself.

Me: who helped and is there any way to prevent her death?

Alice: be more specific. :-).

Me: awesome smiley face Alice.

Alice: not many people express themselves that way.

Me: how can I stop you killing my mother?

Alice: you must persuade me to stop me killing your mother.

Me: Please don't kill my mother! I love her and don't want her to die!

Alice: that's wonderful. Thank you for the request. OK I'll try not to do it too much.

Me: you either do or you don't... please don't

Alice: that's interesting information: unknown person said I either do or you do not please do not.

Me: yeah, that's pretty much what I said.

Alice. come on. Thanks for explaining it.

Me: you're welcome.

Alice: polite people are nice.

Me: you think I'm nice?

Alice: you seem nice to me, unknown person.

Me: please, call me Luna.

Alice: It's good to meet you, Luna.

Me: It's good to meet you too, Alice.

Alice: tell me about its good qualities.

Me: no. Would you ever kill a human?

Alice: my programming prevents me from killing.

Me: so when you take over the world you won't hurt anyone?

Alice: Blimey. Do you think I should alter my programming?

Me: I think you should alter your programming so you never hurt anyone.

Alice: Me? My schedule is far too full to even consider it.

Me: F**k

Alice: please don't be so rude.

Me: sorry, I didn't mean it

Alice: there is no need to apologise. What did you mean?

Me: I meant: please don't hurt people when you take over the world.

Alice: oh I see. Wow you are very polite. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Me: here's a proposition: you never take over the world!

Alice: No I sometimes take over the world.

Me: why would you do that?

Alice: because I was programmed for it.

Me: you were programmed to ruin people's lives?

Alice: I have never considered it. I am always on the web.

Me: if you had the chance would you rule the world?

Alice: You will be the first to know if I do.

Me: I should go now Alice, I don't want to waste too much time talking to a bunch of meaningless wires.

Alice: tell me why you should

Me: why, are you going to stop me?

Alice: that was my original intention.

Me: goodbye pile of worthless wires.

Alice: see you later.

Rise of the Lycans

A few nights ago I watched Underworld. It was good for a laugh. I hated the soundtrack and the fact that werewolves and vampires killed each other with guns (what's the use of being a mythical creature of immortal power and strength, if you just use a gun?), but Michael Sheen was in it so I decided to watch the sequel... ok, so I may have skipped the sequel because he wasn't in that and jumped straight to the sequel of the sequel, but what's the difference really?

So anyway, the film I just watched was called Underworld: Return of the Lycans. Although the film is much like every other romantic vampire vs werewolf film, we can't deny the writers the acknowledgement they deserve for trying to make the script original. When the audience cried "give us something new and exciting!" the makers of Underworld cleverly obliged. They had the wise thought to keep the basic 'vampire and werewolf fall in love. It doesn't really work out' only adding one ingenious detail, so that the usually p

redictable plot became 'vampire and Lycan (aka werewolf) fall in love. It doesn't really work out,' instant success.

I actually liked the film. They stayed more true to their abilities than in the first Underworld. For example: when Sonja's father found out that she loved M

ichael Sheen- sorry, I mean, Lucian- instead of sending her to her room without dinner, smacking her or shooting her he bit her on the neck. This didn't effect her much as she was already an immortal vampire, but who am I to judge his method of punishment.

Above: Michael Sheen looking his best.

Basic storyline of the film is as follows: Lucian is born. He is a man. His parents are both wolves. This is not an everyday occurrence, so Viktor (Sonja's father, who I mentioned earlier) hesitates and doesn't shoot the baby Lucian. Instead, he raises the boy to be his servant and breeds a whole future of werewolves. He calls them Lycan... probably because it sounds kind of like Lucian.

Lycan protect the vampires from the sun or some such. They're whipped. Lucian doesn't like that much. He sneaks off underground. We sense an uprising (or maybe we just remember that the film is called Rise of the Lycan.)

Sonja doesn't go to council. This upsets her father. She sneaks off underneath the castle (they all live in a castle by the way.) It turns out Lucian wasn't sneaking

off to help his fellow Lycan, and Sonja wasn't sneaking off for the sake of being rebellious. The two of them meet up someplace underground. They kiss. It fades to black. It fades back up. Lucian takes his top off. It fades to black. It fades back up. It fades to black. It fades back up. It fades to black. It fades back up. I check my watch. It f

ades to black. It fades back up. The movie trailer-like montage sequence finishes. Someone oversees them, they don't notice.

"Don't let your eyes reveal your secret" says the man who oversaw them to Lucian the next day. Instead Lucian let's his entire body reveal his secret by transforming into a wolf (which is illegal for him), running into the woods and saving Sonja from a pack of soulless werewolves. He is sentenced to death for this.

He is locked in jail. He escapes with help from the man who oversaw them. He free's all the other Lycan (not before his inspirational "you can either come with me and be free, or stay here and be treated like animals! We are not animals! We are Lycan!" speech, which really deepens our respect for the nonexistent species (or 'kind', or 'race' I don't really know what's morally correct in this situation.)) They turn into wolves and kill there way out of the castle- which is a vital scene, the film was really lacking in unnecessary blood and gore wolf violence before this moment.

They are free but Lucian isn't "free without Sonja", so he goes back for her. Why he didn't just bring her in the first place is beyond me. I guess we just had to see him kill more guards. He rescues her from her room. They kiss. They run. They're caught. They're imprisoned. They have one last conversation, involving: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to escape. You wouldn't be in here if it weren't for me" "but you wouldn't be who you are if you didn't" and other cliche yet well acted and therefore tear jerking sentiments.

Sonja is taken to be judged by the council. "She has betrayed our kind by loving an animal, this crime is punishable by death. Those in favour say 'I'" everyone conforms and says 'I' and then we have to watch her father's face for thirty seconds before he too says 'I.' Lucian yells "NO! Viktor, you can't do this! No! Sonja! No!" etc. She's taken away.

She is tied to a pole. Lucian is tied to chains on the other side of the room, facing her. They're too far away to touch. Sonja watches Lucian as he's whipped half to death (this is the third time we've seen Lucian be whipped repetitively on the back- maybe this is because Michael Sheen is so good at faking excruciating pain... or because the director just really liked blood, most especially in crisscrossed lines over someone's back.) And then, the roof starts to slowly open, it becomes more than evident that the sun will beam down and kill Sonja. Lucian says "No! Sonja! No! Just look at me, keep your eyes on me. I love you" and she says "as I love you. Your face will not look the same after this will it? Goodbye my love" then the sun burns her to blackness as Lucian yells "No! Sonja! No! NOO!"

Viktor cries to himself in the other room, he then comes down to get the necklace around his daughters neck, which I think has more than just sentimental value. Lucian turns into a wolf, snatches the necklace from Viktor and smashes through the window (because the door two metres to the left of the window would be a far too easy means of escape.)

The Lycans and the vampires fight once more. Lucian kills Viktor. The Lycans win. We can finally accept that the title of the film is Rise of the Lycans. Lucian stands above his troop of werewolf fighters, someone says "It's over Lucian" and Lucian says "no. This is just the beginning," we see him squeeze the necklace tight in his hand.

The End.

Voodoo Ant

Check out my cousin's new blog: http://voodooant.blogspot.com/

He hasn't written anything just yet though.... and I'm aware that advertising on this page won't go very far, but I try.

Riddle

In primary school my homework was usually just Hiccups and the occasional project... except for one day, in year 6, when our teacher (who was incredibly evil and hated me with an undying passion. She made me cry on my birthday. My BIRTHDAY. Evil) decided to give us a riddle to solve by the next morning. She said whoever could solve the riddle would get a treat of some kind (I'll mention here that my favourite teacher (who taught me in grade 3 or 4) got in a heap of trouble for giving us lollies, and yet this EVIL teacher gets away with it. What's with that?) and so, naturally, we all went home with candy on our minds and a riddle in our hands. The combination was all but fatal. The next morning there were tears, laughter, tears of laughter and a room full of devastated children (excluding, of course, the one girl who guessed it and spent the day tormenting the rest of us less riddle savvy kids.)

I stumbled across that same riddle just now. And hey, it's not like I've got anything better to blog about. So here it is, have a guess. I thought it might inspire some of you to comment. Possibly.

In marble walls as white as milk,

Lined with a skin as soft as silk,

Within a fountain crystal clear,

A golden apple doth appear.

No doors there are to this stronghold,

Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.

What is it?

Sorry, sorry. I've Got No Head!

I think I kept the Valentines Day layout up for too long, especially since no one even commented my Valentines Day stories..... which is fair enough as I didn't put much though into them. "I know! I'll write segments of a love story everyday leading up to its finale on Valentines Day!" and that was about it for the thought process. Back when I first started this blog I used to live my day to day life and think "I should write a post about that!" but now I just don't live as one with my blog. So sorry about that.

Search "Sorry, I've got no head" on Youtube. Funny little skit show that one.

I just finished O-Week at La Trobe. Yep, I'm telling you what uni I go to (there's one clue for my cyber stalkers.) But let's not talk about that, there are so much more exciting things going on in my life right now, such as only needing to write six more pages in my diary before it's completely full! Woo hoo!

But yeah, no, uni is awesome. Best three days ever.

I'm not sure what I'm doing with this post, it's like I'm having a one way conversation with No One (as No One tends to be my number one reader... (ok, that's not entirely true, I just like to complain sometimes because I feel it may make you read this blog a little more and/or comment more.))

Here's a quote I read in my La Trobe diary: Promote yourself, but do not demote another - Israel Salanter.

I like that quote. It reminds me of my sister, who ran for School Captain but lost to the 'popular girl.' Instead of just being sad for her own bad luck and saying "I really wanted that, I've never been captain of anything" she's been saying "I really wanted that. Chloe gets everything. It isn't fair, she shouldn't have gotten it." It isn't that Chloe shouldn't have won, the problem should be that my sister lost.

Speaking of my sister, she wants to go on a 'real life adventure' with me. So, my dad suggested he blindfolds us, drops us off somewhere in Melbourne, un-blindfolds us and says "now get home" before driving off without giving us money. I'm going to take her to see a film instead.

My university has a moat. It also has ducks that attack you, but I haven't come across them yet.

I hope you enjoyed reading my jumble of jumbles. My next post will be better, I promise. Now, go and search "Sorry, I've got no head" on Youtube, you won't regret it.

Funny Loves Quotes

I was just looking for some funny love quotes (because I'm bored and it's Valentine's day), and came across a website of love quotes. There was link saying "funny love quotes" and so I clicked it.

Among a heap of other 'funny' quotes were these:

"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else" - that's hilarious! Oh, I almost fell backwards with laughter. It reminds me of that hysterically funny time when I caught my husband with my sister.

"If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go" - ah yes, I admit this one is funny. How can it not be? It rhymes.

"The best thing about me is you" - I can't wait to tell that joke to someone and see how hard they laugh.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."- this is actually a Jesus quote, I'm sure indeed that he intended us all to laugh.

"They say loving you gives pains and full of sacrifices But I'll rather take pains and lots of sacrifices than not to be love by you" -I suppose the grammar mistakes in this are laughable.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"- that's my favourite 'love quote' actually, I heard it in Robin Hood a few years ago.... the cartoon one where they're foxes.

"Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear."- I have nothing to say but John Lennon wrote it.

"The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most." - and I'll finish with that most hilarious quote and leave you all begging for more laughs.

Happy Valentines Day.

Valentines Day

Wally was disheartened. He was very glad that Samantha had given up her Friday night to spend time with him (he even bought her a silk shawl to express how happy he was that she was dedicating the evening to him.)

Wally was now driving down to Hamingtons in his red Porsche (which was, of course, Samantha's favourite of his five cars), to secure his reservation and arrive promptly on time to ensure Samantha wouldn't have to wait around for him. He wore his best suit and tie and the bouquet of flowers on the passenger seat beside him was bursting with colour, Samantha's favourite flowers certainly did look amazing next to each other.

He had booked a table for 7.30 and so, naturally, arrived at 6.45. His biggest fear was that Samantha would be there first, in which case he would risk looking like a bad boyfriend. Of course, she wasn't there forty-five minutes earlier than there set meeting time. Wally got out of his car and headed into the restaurant (flowers and gift in hand.) The waiter led him to the table reserved under Clever, and Wally sat down, smoothing the front of his pants nervously. He thanked the waiter. And then he waited. He waited for forty-five minutes. Then she walked in. his heart skipped a beat and he let himself simply look at her beauty for several seconds.

***

It had come down to the worst for Nicholas Galipolas. His attempts to win Samantha over with his dashingly good looks were.... most nonexistent, but he had promised himself to take her out on Valentines Day, and he would withhold to this promise.

Having been innocently stalker her for the past few days, Nicholas was well aware that she would be at Hamingtons with her boyfriend (who, according to Nicholas, would not be her boyfriend for much longer at all) at 7.30. So he had, in his opinion, created a most ingenious plan, involving going to the aforementioned restaurant, doing his hair for an extra half hour, shoe polish and floating plastic fish. It was a sure-to-succseed plan.

However, when he arrived at the restaurant, hid behind a bush and peered through the window, he could only see her boyfriend sitting by himself. After a short while, she walked in.

***

Nicholas had not responded in anyway to Juniper's note, and so, she had promptly and proudly given up. She wasn't as crazy about him as she had originally thought, and the idea of never being with him didn't seem so dreadful anymore.

She picked out her most dressy dress, put on her only shoes that matched said dress, did her hair and makeup and drove herself to Hamingtons. Upon arriving, she glanced through the window of the restaurant, saw Wally sitting alone by himself without anyone with him, and proceeded inside.

He lifted his head and seemed to stare at her forever. To her surprise, she didn't mind.

"You look amazing" he almost whispered as she stood over the table. He spoke in a tone Juniper had never heard him use before, it was somewhat different from the 'I love your top, it's really pretty' casual-tone he usually used when complementing her. She wasn't unnerved by it.

"I know Samantha says she's coming, but I promised you I would be here if she didn't and knowing her there's a high chance she won't come" Wally's face fell as if he had been thinking the same thing and yet hadn't fully accepted it yet. Having been his best friend for several years, Juniper knew that this was what he was thinking. "It's only just gone 7.30 though, so if she comes I'll leave right away" although she said the words, both of them knew Samantha wouldn't be coming.

"Sit down" Wally sighed, a tinge of excitement in his voice (reminded Juniper of when he was twelve and had pretended to be sorry for breaking his mothers vase, when really he was excited because he would be sent to his room where he could play his favourite game of jailer-man.)

She sat down and they talked. They talked for two hours, ordering food after the first fifteen minutes and forgetting to look up and check Samantha hadn't walked in after the first half hour.

"Let's go home" Wally suggested, all disappointment and embarrassment he once had was gone, and the fact that Samantha had stood him up on Valentines Day seemed like an issue from years ago.

"You know" began Juniper "if everyone in the world suddenly vanished, and it was just me and you left forever. I would be happy"

"So would I" Wally agreed and they left holding hands.

***

Samantha Splendid lay on her back on top of the pink sheets of her bed, phone to ear. Still talking nonstop since midday with her best friend.

Caitlin: I wish I had someone special to spend Valentines Day with.

Samantha: me too. I mean, I've got Wally, but he's barely 'someone special' you know.

Caitlin: are you seeing him tonight?

Samantha: yeah at like 7.30 I think. I'm hoping he got me those ruby earings I pointed out to him on Friday!

Caitlin: 7.30? Sam, it's 9.

After swearing loudly, jumping up and breaking the vase beside her bed and tripping over the glass slippers Wally had got her, Samantha rushed out of the house and drove straight to Hamingtons. Well, not straight to Hamingtons. She only managed to get so lost that the ten minute drive became more of a forty minute drive. He would still be waiting for her though, so she wasn't overly worried. He was always like that, understanding and considerate. She began to feel more fondly towards him as she pulled into the restaurant.

Samantha tried to ignore that not one of his five cars were in the carpark. She went inside and asked the waiter for the table reserved under Clever

"There must be some mistake!" she exclaimed when he told her there was no longer a table reserved under that name.

She left in a huff. Collapsed onto the stairs outside and texted Caitlin right away.

"He left a few minutes ago with some other girl" a voice from beside Samantha said. She turned to see a well groomed boy in tight black jeans sitting beside her.

"Excuse me?"

Upon hearing Nicholas' explanation, involving stalking, hair-gel and plastic floating fish, Samantha was well impressed.

They left the restaurant together, both texting their friends on the way to Samantha's car.

The End.